The dialogue is stilted and absolutely wretched The characterization is bad loose, jumpy, and the progression is occasionally senseless The main characters themselves are not compelling selfish, shallow, lacking the deep thought that comes with true passion and love and instead leaping recklessly into stupid and deadly situations when anyone with a brain could see sixty other possibilities that should have been tried first.
I can t express my disgust for the relationship between Edward and Bella It s not romance, it s not passion, it s not love It s selfish idiocy at best Bella as a character is insufferable her self sacrificing streak is not compassion, it s sheer stupidity It s hormones It s a bad, bad example for the teenage girls who read it Bella s whole life is tied up in her boyfriend She has no goals, passions, ambitions, or dreams besides wanting to be with Edward, who could kill her.
Edward s element of danger is occasionally compelling, but it s totally overshadowed by the fact that Bella is completely oblivious to it She doesn t fear him at all, and that doesn t come off like love once again, it comes off as total stupidity.
Edward What can I say about Edward There is nothing lovable about him except that he is apparently the most beautiful thing in existence He s selfish he stays near Bella when he knows he could lose control and kill her at any second He s a creepy stalker he watches her while she sleeps, before she even really knows him He s volatile his mood swings are insane and ridiculous He s immature for someone who s been alive for a hundred years, he doesn t seem to have gained much experience He s controlling he doesn t want to let her out of his sight for two seconds Granted, she s dumb enough to get herself killed if he does He s insulting he treats Bella like an incapable, silly little girl Which he s right to, but I digress It s still insulting I understand that Bella s smell and that Bella herself are irresistible to him But if he wanted the best for her, he d stay away from her, period, the end The story is stupid, the love story is bad, and if that s what Stephenie Meyer is preaching to teenage girls, I think it s pretty questionable It s not just a fun read There are girls out there who want to be Bella and who want to find an Edward.
I think I might enjoy the story a lot if Bella s idiot head was not the one I had to spend time in while reading it If I had to read one description of how beautiful Edward is, I was going to choke a kitten If it had focused on the vampire family I would have been a lot willing to forgive its faults I thought Carlisle s and Alice s stories were really compelling, and Edward was finally accessible to me when he talked about Carlisle turning him into a vampire and how his family came to be formed, his life before Bella, etc Some aspects of the vampirism were truly awesome I found the idea that vampires can never sleep completely terrifying That they never, ever get a break and never, ever get to rest that is a wonderful and ghastly idea.
Entirely overshadowed by their flowery breath and the fact that they sparkle.
This is hardly the tip of the iceberg, but I m trying to spare you at least a little.
It turns out we don t need Dr John Gray to tell us that men are from Transylvania and women are from Venus We just need to read Stephenie Meyer books For example, from this book we learn that the millions of women who have wolfed down the Twilight series pun intended want men who 1 Talk about their feelings Either Meyer s husband is the single most communicative male on the planet and she doesn t realize how unusual he is, or she, like most of her female readers, is using her fiction to imagine a world where men not only have deep emotions but want to admit to having them and talk about them over and over, articulating even the most subtle of their internal dramas 2 Make them flutter But just being a sensitive new age kind of guy doesn t cut it A man has to be hard bodied, chiseled, dashing, and have eyes that pierce the soul, if not the skin even as they never look at your chest This book suggests that a real man makes you constantly stumble over your words, bite your lip to refrain from exclaiming adulations, and lose yourself in the sweet smell of his breath 3 Are fiercely devoted That a girl of no spectacular beauty, who lacks any trace of conversation skills whose only virtue is that she smells really yummy can inspire an immortal creature of godlike power and grace to alter his entire existence to serve and protect her, watching over her by night on that in 4 This is a woman s ultimate fantasy to have the perfect man, perfectly devoted, for no good reason at all.
4 Want them so bad that they won t take them This, alas, is the most transparent aspect of this book s appeal It speaks volumes about the differences between men and women to have so many women toss their bodice ripping romances aside in order to read how a feral man with otherworldly physical desires can contain his passion and lust out of his pure and perfect love for his beloved It says that women really do wish they could have it both ways, to be an object of lust and devotion at once, to fulfill a man s desire without actually slaking his thirst for her To have a man watch you sleep and not want to have even a little peek under the covers now that s hot fantasy for today s woman who is otherwise told on a regular basis that to be her best self she has to enage in casual and risky sexual behavior To see just what an indulgent fantasy this book is, just imagine the male centric version of Twilight, in which a troubled teen boy moves to a small town to find the hottest girl in town is a vampiress Such a book would be about 100 pages long all the unnecessary internal dialogue would be removed No one would talk except to comment on the awesome size of, um, one s videogame library The vampiress would be simple relatively dumb, incredibly hot, wearing almost nothing, and with no expectations of her man but drawn to him only by the smell of his gym bag She wouldn t hold herself back from trying to bite her intended, but would get so distracted with his bedroom technique that she would never get around to it We would laugh at such a book in fact, we know it would never be a book since men don t read it would be a movie, and it would be a smash summer hit called American Vam Pie er, I ll start the screenplay right away Somehow, when this story is told in a similarly indulgent female centric vein, we don t reject it, but sympathize with it I believe this is because women get to indulge in their fantasies so rarely outside of Jane Austen novels while men are surrounded with theirs So far I have yet see spam email inviting one to read hot things devoted husbands would say to their wives or see pictures of hunks promising not to get nasty out of respect for their women or buy this purple pill so you can stay up late and share your feelings seven times in one night So hats off to Stephenie Meyer for figuring out what it is that women really want and giving it to them.
I really enjoy lively details There s nothing better than knowing an author has really thought about her characters and situations, and come up with some surprising and delightful detail that makes the whole reading experience fuller Lively details, you understand pointless details are a nightmare to read I don t need to know that Bella ate a granola bar for breakfast I REALLY DON T Notice that I remembered the granola bar I think this is partly because I was fervently hoping it would have significance Like, she would spectacularly choke on her oatmeal the next day and think, AH, I should have had a granola bar like yesterday Show, don t tell is not the be all and end all of writing There s a little thing called summary narrative It s beautiful it facilitates plot progression without having to follow your narrator through 24 fucking hours of a day and watch as she eats a fucking granola bar for breakfast.
I ve seen this novel accused of Mary Sue ism and um, yeah, any character named Isabella Swan seems destined to be a Mary Sue But honestly, I wouldn t begrudge a semi autobiographical story if it actually had any of the realism of autobiography All the high school teenage stuff honestly made me boggle Because that s not what high school is like That s not what being seventeen is like Twilight reads like well, it reads like a thirtysomething who has no recollection of being 17 Bella has all the emotional maturity of a 32 year old and that s just not remotely believable Meyer is not a bad writer She has the ability to string words together Unfortunately, she lacks any kind of flair There was no original description no truly evocative language Twilight reads like Meyer has read a lot of mediocre novels and regurgitated the same kind of language onto the page There is just nothing exciting to the language The dialogue is awful not only uninspiring and lacking in wit, but it s all the same There s no difference in speech patterns to the characters no awareness of personal tics The characterization is wafer thin see above, re Mary Sue The plotting is terrible the novel trundles along at a slow pace for 250 pages and then Meyer seems to suddenly realize she needs a climax and the gears shift abruptly and the reader is caught up in a series of ridiculous contrivances that set up Meyer s final set piece which, by the way, I saw coming a mile away.
This is such a profoundly antifeminist novel And it s funny, because I think Meyer has no idea that it s antifeminist I mean, she has a female heroine A heroine who reads Austen and writes essays about misogyny in Shakespeare Surely she s kicking butt for all womankind Um no She cooks, she cleans, she looks after the man in her life She needs male characters to protect her from the big, bad, scary world She falls headfirst into a disturbingly dysfunctional relationship with a man 90 years her senior without the slightest amount of worry Seriously Bella Edward What s that all about I don t get the attraction He has her in his thrall She is, let me quote, unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him and after, like, a week oO She s consumed by him she s willing to sacrifice her life for him, and that s romantic I just think it s a bit sick, really You know what I find romantic Human warmth Not sweeping, dramatic statements of everlasting and overarching love Little, sweet moments of connection that ring true That s something Twilight s apparently epic love story is sorely lacking in Did I say Bella has the emotional maturity of a 32 year old Well, except when it comes to Edward There she has the emotional maturity of a dumb dog.
I actually had to give this book three separate reviews by three sides of my personality My three star rating is the median of the three Review 1, by My Inner Fifteen Year Old Girl 5 stars Bella is smart, funny, well read, pretty and yet misunderstood by most of her peers just like me Then she meets a cool, hot guy who turns out to be a good vampire, and he can do really cool things, like run fast and stop cars with his hands, but he s still sweet and wonderful It s ultimate wish fulfillment fantasy what s not to like Meyers can make your heart speed up with some of the tense, tortured we must be together no, what if i hurt you pg 13 erotica Review 2, by My Fan of YA Lit 3 Stars Meyers can tell a pretty good story, when she lets herself actually tell it the book starts out well, and would have been a bit interesting if I hadn t known he was a vampire all along Then it slows down during the long getting to know you dialogue exchanges between Edward and Bella there s no plot, just back story and exposition disguised as conversations, and far too many I can t be with you, I don t want to hurt you But I love you, I don t care about danger back and forths When the evil vamps show up, however, the story kicks back in and the end is quite exciting When Meyers isn t dwelling on how perfectly angelic Edward is again she can get the pages turning Since there are A LOT of pages to turn, I wish she would have infused that urgency into the story often While abandoning most of the conventional cliches of vampire lore stakes, sunlight, garlic, coffins she keeps all the modern vamp romance cliches alabaster skin, good hair, expensive taste in clothes, tragically distant , and adds a few of her own unfortunate twists vampires avoid the sun because it makes them sparkle, the good vamp clan play some extreme version of baseball in a scene that was far too Quidich y for my taste Too many cliches or trying to hard to be original somehow both criticisms are accurate Review 3, by My Inner Feminist 1 Star Meyers describes Bella as being strong, brave, and independent, but then shows her as a spineless, cowering victim who needs to be saved by her violently jealous and over protective boyfriend She constantly goes on and on about how Edward is perfect at everything and how he s so gorgeous and she is so unworthy of him, how he s so strong and he protects her In fact, she never gives any reason for liking him other than how hot he is, but that s fair because Edward never gives a reason for liking her other than she smells good He is frustrated that Bella is the only person whose thoughts he can t read, so he eavesdrops on her friends minds to find out what they talk about, he follows her whenever she leaves her house, and he secretly camps outside her room when she sleeps that doesn t sound sweet, it sounds creepy If girls want a romantic, conflicted vampire human romance, they should go watch the firs three seasons of Buffy not only is there the dark, mysterious, conflicted vampire, but the girl he s in love with can kick some serious ass all on her own.
my name is bella bella swan here s what stephenie didn t tell you it s super duper important.
on the morning after it rained, it was rainy outside and i frowned at it being so rainy all the time i chuckled to myself, darn weather i stared at the rain outside, which is where they usually keep the rain there was never any rain in phoenix i love phoenix i hate rain i tripped over a large air pocket on my bedroom floor and bashed my skull into the corner of my bookcase, which had three shelves and was faux wood veneer after i applied cold compresses and stanched most of the bleeding, i drove to school, but they must have moved the school building across town i chuckled to myself, darn school moving people after i drove around for a few hours looking for where they put the building, edward cullen pulled up alongside me in his shiny, silver volvo, which was silver and a saab, i think his well muscled chest was riding shotgun, wearing a blue gray waffle knit long sleeved t shirt, relaxed fit jeans with contrast stitching in a lightly distressed wash, and an ivory colored jacket made from the dyed skins of clubbed baby seals he dressed very well, like someone who wears nice clothes.
his well muscled chest waved to me like an old friend, but edward glowered at me from the driver s seat his eyes were black i think he came down with glaucoma.
even though he glared at me and gave me the finger, he smiled and told me to follow him to school he knew where they kept it i wonder how he found out but just then, i nearly tripped over my gas pedal and fell through the windshield i am so clumsy when we got to school, edward s well muscled chest walked me to english class try to be careful in there, the chest giggled while at the same time giving me a sinister sideward glance that made the blood in the veins under my skin in my body feel ice cold haha, i giggled, tapping the chest on its rippling pectorals very funny, i then said running my finger around his kennedy half dollar sized nipples i ll try to be careful, i joked, alarmed at the unearthly chill emitted by his taut obliques.
everyone stared at us in the hallway, which was a long interior space allowing access to various doors the students were wearing clothes and talking and carrying books through the windows of the classroom which looked onto the out of doors, i could see the rain was still raining outside then i tripped over my clitoris and fell into a galvanized steel av cart on casters three people were seriously injured.
i chuckled and turn bright red how embarrassing.
at the end of the school day edward cullen came to walk me to my car his chest was nowhere to be seen probably at banana republic or out hunting mountain lions again i chuckled to myself, darn chest where s my car i giggled after chuckling for a while don t you remember that you totaled it this morning when you drove into the orphan s hospital he said he was looking at me with his eyes he gave me his ivory jacket to keep me dry from the rain, which is usually very wet then he looked at me again, smiling with the right half of his mouth but frowning with the left half of his mouth and oddly expressionless in the middle part of his mouth you know, i said, falling over a parking bumper into a rack of bicycles, rain isn t the only thing there is that gets me wet let s just be friends, he hissed, arching an eyebrow, flexing his sinewy wrists, and flaring his beautiful muscular nostrils.
i realized then he might be a vampire or really gay or a really gay vampire i should have known he had erasure cassettes in the car.
Save your time here s the entirety of Twilight in 20 dialogue snippets a wiggedy wack intermission.
First 200 pages I like you, Edward You shouldn t I m dangerous I like you, Edward But I m dangerous Next 50 pages I m a vampire I like you, Edward But I m a vampire I m dangerous I like you, Edward Next 100 pages I like you, Edward You smell good, Bella I m dangerous I like you, Edward Damn, you smell good I like you, Edward Also, I glow in sunlight Next 50 pages A VAMPIRE BASEBALL GAME I wish I was kidding Last 100 pages Help me, Edward I m being chased I ll save you Help me, Edward I m scared I ll save you Oh, Edward You smell good One half star for lack of quality, and one half star for being unintentionally hilarious especially page 314.
By beneficial qualities , I mean that it s reading, and since when is reading bad Let me say quite clearly that I m a sucker for romance, especially the intense, passionate, tragic kind I don t read romance novels , though, because to me they are lacklustre Meyer s book has the extra edge I need, though, a great way of keeping doom hanging over the main characters heads she s human, he s a vampire.
Sound corny Yeah, I know, and the only reason Meyer gets away with it as well as she does is because Twilight doesn t try to be anything it s not, and it has such conviction Only Meyer could get away with giving her narrator the name Isabella Swan She says in her little bio at the back that she wanted to write believable characters an interesting choice, then, to write about vampires, but I believed in them, and without such a willing suspension of disbelief, the story would have been a farce True, a lot of people haven t been able to suspend their disbelief with this book, but that doesn t affect my reading experience Seventeen year old Bella s parents are divorced She lives with her mum in Phoenix, Arizona, and spends time with her dad Charlie in Forks, Washington State, where it rains almost constantly She hates Forks, but when her mum remarries a baseball player, Phil, and starts travelling with him, Bella decides to move to Forks.
On her first day at school she notices the isolated group of five beautiful, graceful siblings Rosalie, Alice, Emmet, Edward and Jasper One in particular catches her eye Edward Cullen, with his rust brown hair and topaz eyes She is than a little surprised and shocked when he seems to have developed an acute, profound hatred of her Her fascination deepens, especially when, after a brief disappearance, he saves her life She soon figures out what Edward is, and the knowledge doesn t frighten her The shaky friendship between them develops into something much stronger, and Edward reveals his overpowering reaction to her smell that nearly made him kill her on the spot hence the look on his face that so shocked her, and the restraint he put on himself during an hour of Biology.
Let s not forget he s incredibly handsome even though Bella describes almost every glance he makes and every twitch of his lips, not once did I get bored and roll my eyes My fascination grew alongside hers, until I too fell in love with Edward in a totally girly, daydreamy way Yes, I admit it I don t know if that makes this a girly kind of book these days those boundaries don t seem to matter so much, and the vampire family is pretty darn cool, what with Edward s extra ability to read minds, Alice s premonitions, Jasper s ability to affect people s emotions, their speed, their invincibility Bella is at one point compared to Lois Lane, because Edward and his kin really are like Superman.
One of the things I love about YA books the clarity with which they are written Granted there is some repetition in Twilight, but to me it s necessary repetition There s nothing superfluous in Twilight, nothing that shouldn t be there, and the flow, the pacing, is great It s a fat book, but I read it in two days I read it with breakfast, on my walk to the subway, on the subway, up the escalator, through the ticket gates, to work, in my lunch break you get the picture I couldn t get enough of it, and it left me with that same craving for that Harry Potter did I remember scrounging around for loose change as soon as I finished one of them and dashing off into the city to get my next fix It helped that four were already out when I started There s plenty of negative stuff you could say about this book the writing, the characters, the obsession but again, I couldn t care less Another thing I loved was all the vampire myths Meyer scrapped These vampires aren t burnt to ash by sunlight their marble skin glitters as the sunlight is broken into miniscule shards, like diamonds hence why they are living in Forks, where the sun hardly ever shines They are not hurt by crucifixes or stakes through the heart They do not sleep at all, nor do they eat human food They drive fast cars really really fast And they can fall in love Awwww.
Seriously though, this was one of most fun, most enjoyable, most romantic books I ve read in a long time, and I m so happy there are two out with a fourth on the way They are, somewhat predictably, making Twilight into a movie still in the early development stage but it s rather fun to go to the author s website and see her own preferences for actors to play Edward etc Can t say I m familiar with most of them, but her top choice now sadly too old , is indeed a perfect match Who knows who they ll really cast, but as with the book, the characters have to be right or the whole story will be just silly and sappy Since reading this the first time back in 2007, I ve started reading some romance novels Yes I ve been corrupted Or rather, I ve always loved romance stories but had trouble admitting it Now, I just don t care Actual rating 1.
5 stars Believe it or not, there are actually a few books that are worse than Twilight.
Ok, funny story I was sitting on my couch with my husband last night finishing up Twilight I slammed the book shut and began rubbing my temples Then, my husband goes, So you finally finished, huh Yes I can t believe I used to like this book, I said Hahaha Yeah, I remember you were on Twilight s balls hard Yeah, yeah, yeahThere isn t a single book on my shelf that has fluctuated between all ratings besides Twilight No, your eyes do not deceive you I actually have read Twilight 4 times I used to hail from Shelfari.
com and the first rating I ever gave Twilight was 5 stars After I made the switch to GoodReads, I decided to give it 4 stars instead So, recently I was browsing my GoodReads shelf I often do that to clean up ratings , I noticed Twilight was sitting pretty at 4 stars and was on my favorites shelf At the time I thought, Wow, that s not accurate at all Maybe it deserves 3 stars But I quickly decided, no, no, noI ll just do a fun little project and re read the series and give them all better ratings If your curious about the details of the project, stop on over here Project Hindsight And hey, if you like what you see, won t you subscribe Yes end shameless self promotion The coolest thing about re reading Twilight is that it has caused me to create really cool new shelves such as Kill me now Idiot heroine This is not literature And my personal favorite Where s my chocolate One of the first things I noticed during this re read was how incredibly boring it was Bella is dull as a doorknob And the first few chapters of the book are essentially a Bitch, Moan, Complain session So, we have Bella moving to Forks, WA because she wants her mother to be happy on that later And she s all like, Ohhhh, I hate this place It s green Ewww, it s wet Fuck my life And what s one of the first things Bella does when she arrives in Forks She cooks Charlie dinner No, I don t have an issue with a female character enjoying cooking, but it is practically thrown in my face that Charlie can t fend for himself Bella has to cook Well, what the hell was he doing before she arrived Oh, ya, did anyone else realize that despite the fact that she says she is not allowed to call Charlie by his first name she almost always calls him Charlie WTF Bella goes to school and during lunch she first cast her eyes on the Cullen family view spoiler hide spoiler